It is difficult to watch parents who are struggling due to increased medical needs or advanced age. Many adult children do their best to offer support; they may handle major household projects, help their parents with other necessities or even hire in-home assistance.
However, sometimes these attempts are just not enough. Families may become frustrated and worried about the safety of their aging parents. As their needs increase, there may not be enough help to meet the demand.
The question of a move to smaller, more accessible space or even a facility can be the answer to this dilemma. Facilities like assisted livings and nursing homes are a way to ensure they have the around-the-clock support they need. Deciding to move can be a very challenging decision, for both children and parents. Leaving the comfort of their own home, where they may have resided for decades, can be met with resistance.
What are some ways to discuss this option of moving with parents?
Difficult family discussions
As the need for support increases, it might become easier to guide parents into the idea that they need a new home. Adult children who want to talk about moving to a facility may need to create a list of the support their parents require and how their needs are not being met at home. They can also create a list of the positives that can come from moving, such as increased socialization and more time for family to visit, rather than “work.”
Older adults may downplay their own safety concerns but creating a list of worries and how those are impacting the entire family can be beneficial.
Legal options
Unfortunately, some older adults may dig in their heels and refuse to make any changes to their current lifestyle despite the best efforts of their children. In such cases, use of a Power of Attorney or Guardianship may be warranted.
If parents are no longer able to make sound, reasonable decisions and have Power of Attorney documents in place, this can allow their agent to make decisions on their behalf. If there is not a document or if the parents outright refuse to move, guardianship is a last resort. Adult Protective Services may also be involved while a parent is still at home and their safety and capacity are in question.
The process for guardianship can be long and involved. Guardianship is very serious as it means the court feels an adult is no longer able to make decisions for themselves…that they are incompetent. An appointed guardian needs to act and make decisions in the wards “best interest” and in the least restrictive way possible.
Guardianship requires a statement from a licensed physician or psychiatrist stating that an adult lacks capacity along with supporting evidence of safety concerns and reluctance to accept help. The court would need to agree with the concerns and determine that an individual is incompetent, therefore requiring a guardian to be decision-maker. A guardian is then able to make the decision on behalf of their parents to relocate. The best-case scenario for those concerned about the independent living abilities of their parents is an amicable resolution where the parents agree to move.
Yet, adult children may need to prepare for the possibility of going to court to address guardianship and other elder law concerns related to their aging parents. Seeking experienced legal guidance can help.